Female Wrestling, Salsa Dancing and one Fake Ass Football Player
It's girls' night out in Mexico City and you're invited!
As you already know Val came to join Leah and I in Mexico City and our week together began with an unexpected night out on the town.
We spent the rest of the week exploring Mexico City and nearby Tepoztlán and by the time Friday rolled around we were ready to party. Because it was Val’s last night in Mexico City we thought it was only fitting that we end how we began, at the club.
So come along for a girls’ night out in Mexico City! All are welcome not just the ladies. Girls’ night out is not an exclusive event but instead a state of mind.
We started the night off with dinner at a casual restaurant called Pollo Bruto because a good ladies night starts by consuming an entire chicken. We had chicken, sides, and our new favorite drink naranjada con mezcal.
After we had sufficiently padded our stomachs for the evening it was time for our first activity, lucha libre! Lucha libre is Mexican professional wrestling. It’s very theatrical and the wrestlers wear fun costumes. You might recognize it from the movie Nacho Libre or recognize masks like the ones pictured below.
But it wasn’t any ole Friday night at the arena, no m’am. It was ladies night! Which meant, you guessed it, female wrestling!! And these weren’t some dainty ladies, they were totally jacked. The show alternated rounds between female and male wrestling so there was something for everyone. You can argue about the physical differences between men and women but at the end of the day, regardless of gender, 100% of these performers were on steroids.
So we took our seats just as the wrestling was beginning and let me just say lucha libre is wild. It mostly consists of highly choreographed fighting and stunts. They do a couple of very fake punches and kicks and then they do a backflip off of the side of the ring to knee someone else in the stomach. They would even jump off of the side of the ring down onto the surrounding ground. There was also a bit of theatre involved, there was a good guy and a bad guy and people would cheer accordingly. There were boos and cheers and “ooh ooh oohs” in unison and somehow everyone in the audience knew exactly when to make what sound.
Now I have to tell you guys about my favorite part of the show. Well, one of my favorites, I don’t want to be dismissive of the entertainment value of the wrestling. As they alternated between rounds of men and women’s wrestling these little coronavirus people would come out to clean. They would spray some mysterious chemicals in the air and haphazardly wipe down the corner of the ring.
This was extremely amusing for a few reasons. 1. They looked really cute in their little white suits and also very tiny compared to the jacked wrestlers. 2. We were in a packed stadium with no masks. And I know you might be thinking “well maybe it’s for the performers, so they stay healthy" which brings me to reason 3. The performers are doing backflips off of the side of the ring and landing on each other. One lady got taken away on a stretcher. I respect their desire stay healthy but I don’t think the biggest risk to their health in that moment was covid.
Who ended up winning wrestling? I have no clue. Honestly I didn’t know what was happening half the time but it was still a blast. And after 6 rounds of wrestling, the event wrapped up and it was time to leave. So we chugged some water and headed to our next stop of the night: Mama Rumba.
Mama Rumba is a very hip salsa bar in Mexico City. They have live bands playing latin music, mysterious red lighting, and amazing Mojitos. You see all types of people salsa dancing, old people, young people, good dancers and beginners. It was completely packed and everyone was dancing. Well most people, not me.
I have to confess that while I like dancing with my friends I don’t love dancing one on one with strangers. It’s just not my choice activity. So while my friends found dancing partners I sat at the bar and struck up a conversation with a guy from Texas and that’s where things got weird interesting.
The conversation started like this.
Tristan: Where are you from?
Guy: Austin, Texas. Well outside of Austin, not from Austin. I’m still from the country.
Guy proceeds to do a weird hand symbol
Tristan: What was that?
Guy: It’s the “Hook ‘em, Horns”.
Tristan: What is that?
Guy: You don’t know what this is?
Guy does weird hand thing again
Tristan: I do not.
Guy: It means I’m from the country.
Tristan: … ok.
So I will tell you I have done some research and that is not in fact what it means. The “Hook ‘em, Horns” hand symbol is just a Texas sporting event thing. Here is a picture of George Bush I found on the Hook ‘em Horns wikipedia page.
So it was a rocky start to the conversation on his part but I proceeded.
He told me that he’s from Texas but his family is Mexican. He then continued to say something along the lines of “I’m Mexican but not Mexican” hinting at the fact that while he was of Mexican descent he was indeed an American. This was a weird statement because 1. There’s nothing wrong with being Mexican. 2. We were in Mexico? Like did he think I came here with the plan of never meeting a Mexican person? And 3. He had already done the weird George Bush gang sign. It’s like yeah bro I believe you because 100% of Mexicans and 95% of Americans wouldn’t do something that stupid looking.
But, believe it or not, all that isn’t even the weird part. Where things got really strange is when he told me he was a football player for the University of Oklahoma. He claimed he came to Mexico City for shoulder surgery on the advice of his team doctor because it was cheaper here. He then proceeded to show me his surgery bandage so I know at least that part of his story was true.
He told me he was a linebacker and that’s where my bullshit detector started to buzz.
Now I don’t know a lot about football but I’ve seen the Blindside. The thing is, this guy was about my height and while I don’t like to judge people based on size, football players tend to be bigger. And I have confirmed with my football consultant, Kevin Sussman, that linebackers are typically large and the University of Oklahoma is no rinky dink football team.
The other thing that was off was that he claimed he didn’t have health insurance which is why he came to Mexico to have his shoulder surgery. Now I know the U.S. healthcare system is all sorts of fucked but I found it really hard to believe a school like the University of Oklahoma would let a football player within 100 yards of the field without some kind of insurance. It just doesn’t make sense considering how much money they make off of their football program.
Now I was thinking all of this while having the conversation with the guy however I kept talking to him mainly out of curiosity to see what he would say next. But eventually my friends got tired of salsa dancing and they came and retrieved me to go to the next location.
As we walked out of the bar and to the next place I filled them in on what had happened and one of my beautiful and genius friends had the idea to look up the University of Oklahoma football roster. After all, they publish everyone’s name, picture and hometown. Lo and behold, this guy was not on the list. And just to be sure when writing this piece I looked at the picture of every University of Oklahoma and Oklahoma State football player in case I misheard his name and I can say with 100% confidence that none of them were the guy I talked to in the bar.
University of Oklahoma my ass.
So we all had a good laugh about it and walked to our next and final destination of the night, a club called Phoenix.
We arrived at Phoenix and after some confusion we found the entrance and got in line. A lady then proceeded to do the most thorough bag check I have ever experienced. She went through every pocket of my purse and even went through my wallet. They were not playing with the security.
Honestly I don’t have much to say about Phoenix except that it was pretty typical nightclub affair. It was dark, it was packed and people were sweaty. It was a Reggaeton club so we didn’t know many of the songs but it was still great for dancing. I will say it was really crowded. Like maybe the most crowded club I’ve been to. They made us wait outside a bit before entering and I thought they were doing that annoying club thing where they want to build some suspense but once we got inside I realized no they literally could not fit four more people in that room.
So we danced a bit and then we decided to call it a night. After leaving Phoenix we had some discourse of whether or not we should go to get tortas at our new favorite late night restaurant, Tortas Al Fuego, but in the end our desire to go to sleep triumphed our desire to eat tortas. So we officially concluded our girls’ night and went home.
As far as nights out go I would say this one was a success. It had all the elements of a good night out, food, drinks, dancing, crazy guy at the bar and a new experience, wrestling!
I am grateful to have had such a lovely group of ladies to go out with so a special thank you to Leah, Val and Anna. I’m happy I could share some of our experiences with you all.
Until next time!
Tristan