Shitlist & Hitlist: Monterrey
What I liked, what I loved and most importantly what I hated.
I’m back with another installment of Shitlist & Hitlist, this time about Monterrey. If you missed my Mexico City Shitlist you can read it here.
Shitlist & Hitlist is a recurring segment where after I spend an extended time in a city, I give you all my feedback of what I liked (hitlist) and what I didn’t like (shitlist). These lists are based on my personal taste. It is possible you and I could walk away from the same city with totally different shit and hit lists and that’s ok. Just know that mine is probably more correct.
So, in no particular order, I present my shitlist and hitlist for Monterrey.
The Shitlist
1. Pizza Nachos from the Club
I previously discussed my night out clubbing with my Colombian roomies but what I didn’t mention is that at one point during the night we were served this horrendous food called “pizza nachos”.
Before Art Studios we went to a different club to start the night. While we were dancing, a server came over and put down these gnarly looking nachos. I know for a fact I didn’t order them but I never figured out if one of the Colombians did or if these nachos were just randomly presented to us.
Now let me clarify, I am generally a fan of nachos. I’ve had BBQ nachos, Korean nachos, Frito pie, and many variations of your standard Mexican nachos. In my opinion it’s hard to fuck up nachos. Hard, but apparently not impossible.
Behold the pizza nachos that were handed to us on a packed club dance floor.
I had to include a photo without flash so you can really visualize my surroundings. They had black lights, we were surrounded by sweaty people in Halloween costumes, and there was a singular fork on this plate. This was not an eating environment. This was a dancing, drinking, and someone is probably od’ing on coke in the bathroom environment.
As a rule, I don’t trust club food. And those nachos looked particularly sad. My Colombian roomies ate them, and they did survive, but I was not taking any chances. It was halloween weekend and those nachos were by far the scariest thing I saw.
Also on my shitlist, the “chef”, the server, the bouncer at the club, anyone who saw these nachos being served and didn’t intervene.
2. The Guy Who Woke Me up to Give Me Back His Keys
One of the less ideal aspects of living in the same establishment you work is that people recognize you from reception and ask you for things, even when you’re not working. And like I’ve previously mentioned, my room in Monterrey was shared with other guests.
So this one dude who was checking out from my room decided that, instead of going down to reception like a normal person, he would wake me up to return his keys. He literally shook me awake at 8am and said “here are my keys”. I was so stunned. I’m pretty sure I replied something like “ok thank you”, took the keys in my hand, and rolled back over in bed.
Most people have the common sense to take their keys down to the reception desk and leave them with whoever is working, but not this guy, and therefore he’s on the shitlist.
3. Anyone Who Puts Mayo on a Hotdog
The people of Monterrey love hotdogs to a concerning degree. In most of Mexico you see a variety of street food. Tacos, gorditas, quesadillas, tortas, tamales, there’s millions of combinations of corn, meat, cheese, and salsa that you can buy on the street. Monterrey is the exception. In Monterrey, there are only hot dog stands. And occasionally elotes, but I’m not exaggerating when I say 90% of the foodcarts I saw served hotdogs.
And it gets worse.
I don’t mind the occasional hotdog and I am of the opinion that you can put almost anything on top. Ketchup, mustard, onion, relish, chili, or anything that goes on your traditional Chicago hotdog. But the fine people of Monterrey said “nah forget about all that, I want mayo on my hotdog.” Mayo! I’m from the midwest, I put mayo on everything. But not hotdogs because I have some semblance of mental stability. So anyone who puts mayo on a hotdog, 100% on the shitlist.
4. That Sketchy Furnice I Had to Light by Hand
5. The Guy Who Hosted the Ted Talk I Regret Going To
The other volunteer, Yaza, invited me to join him for a Ted Talk event that was happening in Monterrey. I am not a Ted Talk person. But, there wasn’t a ton of touristy things to do in Monterrey and I figured I could practice my Spanish listening skills.
The theme of the Ted event was “Señales de Cambio” which translates to “Signals of Change”. There is nothing wrong with that theme and the 50% of the speakers I could understand were actually tolerable.
Who made the shitlist? The host.
He opened the event with a completely nonsensical slide show where he would show two random pictures and ask the audience to vote for which one represented “change”. Then he would tell you the “right” answer. I confirmed with Yaza that it wasn’t just the language barrier, this indeed was a pointless exercise. For example, the host showed a stock photo of an old 80s computer side by side with a stock photo of two women hiking. Which of those was change? The old computer. Why? Who knows. This exercise went on for 10 minutes.
So he’s on the Shitlist.
I thought I would also take this opportunity to include the only useful Ted Talk I have ever watched, this very brief tutorial on how to properly use a paper towel.
6. The Immersive Van Gogh Experience
Let me first state on record that I did not go to the immersive Van Gogh experience nor will I ever go willingly. I have included it here because it was two blocks from the hostel and was a constant reminder that while I have left the U.S., some of our stupidest trends have made it down to Mexico.
Before I left Chicago, ads for the immersive Van Gogh experience were on every single trashcan downtown. I could not throw away a coffee cup without being assaulted by poorly made reprints of starry night. I left home to have new cultural experiences and living right next to an immersive Van Gogh exhibit was a bit of a buzzkill.
The Hitlist
1. The Vistas
Monterrey sits right in the Sierra Madre mountains and the views from the city are incredible. Above I included a few of my favorite vistas. Even the Walmart parking lot had a stunning mountain backdrop. Coming from the midwest where everything is flat I never got sick of seeing the mountains in Monterrey.
2. The Tap Water
They say don’t drink the tap water in Mexico but every rule has its exception and Monterrey is that exception. When I first arrived, the other receptionist explained to me that I could drink the tap water. I was nervous but after seeing the other hostel employees do it I decided to give it a try. The first few days I drank only a bit but after a week of not getting sick I figured I was good to go. And in the end I had no problems.
Considering I had to be wary of tap water for most of my trip, my month in Monterrey was a nice break.
3. These Tiny Cowboy Hats
They’re just fun.
4. Payaso de Rodeo
5. This One Particular Mango I Had
I had the best mango of my life that I got at a supermarket near the hostel. If you have a time machine and can go back to Sumerca Constitución on October 29th and buy a mango, I would highly recommend you do it. I’m pretty sure I saw Jesus in that mango.
6. The People
I had a great experience in Monterrey and it was entirely thanks to the people I met there. Everyone who worked in the hostel was so welcoming and I got the cultural exchange I had been hoping for.
Armando and his friends were kind enough to invite me out on the weekends. Rocio, the other receptionist, taught me Payaso de Rodeo and took me to visit her home in a nearby peublo called Santiago. Yaza, the other volunteer, helped me get acclimated to the work quickly. Juan, the hostel owner, showed me how to do some light electrical work and I even got to spend a day painting the hostel walls with Armando’s mom.
I’ve already included pictures of the goodbye bbq and recounted my nights out, but I had to include the My Family in Monterrey staff on the hitlist.
And, if you find yourself in Monterrey, please, for the love of god, don’t put mayo on your hotdog.